SO there I was in a local pub enjoying a drink with my wife last Friday night - Women's Christmas. I had just finished performing in the successful Pantomime Cinderella in which I was type-cast as an Ugly Sister. What was witnessed, while sipping on probably the best lager in the world, was not far removed from a scene in a horror movie!

Near where we were sitting, was a group of men and women, clearly enjoying their night as they were fairly jarred and they were up and down to the bar on a regular basis.

Then, one of the women returned to sit on her boyfriend’s lap. She had her back to us and her short top was only reaching below her bra-line but it was short enough to give anyone a glimpse of what we believed to be her bra-strap…eh, it wasn’t her bra strap! It was actually the waist-strap of her thong! Yes, I kid you not…the waist-strap of her thong was nearly 12 inches above its desired location.

Was this woman the victim of a “wedgey” or was she aiming to display a new item of women’s underwear called the brong which is a cross between a bra & thong?

Unpleasant and all as this was to see, it begs the question: “Did this woman not have any friends?” Sure enough there were women in her company but there must have been something seriously thong with them…sorry, something seriously wrong with them that they didn’t tell the poor woman that she was nearly (to quote a line from the Pantomime) “wearing her y-fronts as ear-warmers”!

If the children who were at the Panto were present to witness this sight they would have let out a collective roar: “It’s behind you!”

It’s bad enough for so-called “cool dudes” to wear their jeans around their knees but seriously ladies, if you are heading out to enjoy yourselves for Women’s Christmas or indeed any other night of the year, please take care not to show us every item of clothing you are wearing.

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by John Drummey 22nd November 2010

COMICAL ALI was the nickname given to Iraq’s Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf. When the US tanks were rolling into Baghdad at the end of the Gulf War he continued to insist that his country’s forces were crushing the invading Americans. Eh, no.

As a matter of curiosity, and we all know what that did to the cat, did his name spring to the minds of anyone during the past week while the Irish Government’s information machine collapsed in full view of the world? Did it spring to mind while senior Government Ministers, one at a time and on one occasion two together (Dermot Ahern & Noel Dempsey) denied that Ireland would seek a bailout from the European Central Bank and International Monetary Fund?

Did these Ministers not watch the news? Even the Governor of the Irish Central Bank confirmed that ECB and IMF personnel were in Dublin to put in place a mechanism to facilitate a bailout for Ireland? Could this be Ireland’s modern day denial that the US tanks were rolling into Baghdad, hence the Comical Ali comparison?

If Knorr were to take the ingredients of the past week and add them to the outcome from Sunday November 21^st, perhaps they could launch a new Laughing Stock cube to help make the meal the government have made of the country’s finances more palatable.

Tragically, Ireland has had its fair share of Bloody Sundays but will November 21^st 2010 forever remain in history as Laughing Stock of the World Sunday? It was a day when first, Comical Brian (Lenihan) and later Comical Mary (Hanafin) both appeared to continue to mock the intelligence of a highly educated population.

Firstly on national radio, Comical Brian (Lenihan) refused to admit that the Government had asked the ECB & IMF for a bailout. He decided to say that Ireland would have access to a “contingency fund” of a figure that he could not say. So, is it not a bailout until the “contingency fund” is accessed?

Did it not seem ironic when the RTÉ 1 continuity announcer said that due to the events of the day, the scheduled “Would You Believe” programme would be deferred to allow for an extended “Week In Politics” programme? Surely on a day like that the content of the programmes could have been swapped with “Would You Believe” being a more appropriate title for the programme that reflected on the week in politics.

Would you believe that on “The Week In Politics” Comical Mary said that there were no political talks taking place with the ECB or IMF during the week? She said it was “government officials” who were in talks with the ECB/IMF. Was this Pontius Pilate hand-washing statement, finally, an admission that Civil Servants are actually running the country and not the elected politicians?

Would you believe that the Comical Government only heard that the Green Party would issue an ultimatum regarding their future as minority partners of the Coalition five minutes before that particular announcement?

Would you believe that the comical Jackie Healy-Rae and his fellow Independent Dáil colleague Michael Lowery called for a General Election after it became irreversibly obvious that the Government they support is doomed?

Would you believe that Comical Ministers have repeatedly denied feeling any shame in Fianna Fáil or the Government for allowing them to mislead this country down an alley (Ali) that is certainly not comical but more like a dead end?

PERHAPS if Derek Burke had sung Amhrán na bhFiann before their two defeats to Australia in the International Rules series, there might have been a crystal swing in the performance of the Irish players that would have brought about a home win. After all, he’s done wonders for Castleisland Desmonds in his role as Celebrity Bainisteoir!

Unfortunately, that spark was missing and Anthony Tohill’s team of All-Stars were unable to catch or kick their way to glory in both Test matches.

That leads me to ask, who are the GAA football All-Stars for 2010 or more to the point, why do we have All-Stars? Only five of the 15 names that were deemed to be the best footballers in the country in their respective positions, according to GAA media experts, were selected for the Ireland panel.

The Irish team was crying out for All-Star performances from those who were on the team. But this seemed unlikely to happen. It was apparent early in the first defeat that the players chosen by Anthony Tohill struggled with the most basic of rules, in not only the compromise game but also our native game, catching and kicking the ball! And not only that, it was the Aussie lads who had to change from their normal ball, which is oval!

I’m not a GAA writer, just a Kerry fan but how many of the Ireland squad were Tohill’s first choice? We know the Gooch had a commitment to his club ahead of winning the Kerry County Final but was everyone else in the same boat albeit in their respective counties? Did they not want to play?

I wonder if we “swing” the clock forward and gaze into our “Crystal” Ball (no pun intended Derek), perhaps a free trip (holiday) Down Under for the 2011 series against the Aussies might entice the 2011 “All-Stars” into the Irish fold. In the meantime, a bag of balls in the local park for some kicking and catching practice might be in order.